Moving Forward

My results from the blood work came in yesterday. Thankfully I am virus free, but I have yet to leave the woods. My blood revealed an unusually high level of liver enzymes. Now, it's not unusual to experience that but they when my doctor, whom I've known since I was a child sets up an appointment to have a CT scan on my liver, I listen. I have to admit, I've been fairly impatient, which is uncharacteristic of me, but that's just me wanting to keep moving ahead so this "thing" can be treated.

It shook me a little bit to hear that he wanted a CT scan done. I'm just in that place of uncertainty that drives one crazy. Once again I return to Job, but I also think about the woman who suffered the bleeding and touched Jesus' cloak.

Here was this woman, bleeding, probably in pain, but through all the hardships of her physical pain and Jesus being surrounded by the masses she found opportunity. Thrusting her way through the crowd, pushing and clawing her way through the mass of humanity that crowded Jesus. To take Christ's hand? Embrace Jesus? Look the Messiah straight in the eye? None of the above. She endured that to touch His cloak.

I can see this woman being thrashed about, shoved to and fro, teeth clenched, dirty, sweaty, exhausted; yet, she stayed the course, focused on her goal, Jesus.

Imagine, suffering non-stop bleeding for over a decade. Seeing every physician possible and giving every penny you had, for what? Just to get progressively worse.

Despite her pain, her frustration, her personal suffering she pushed, and she pushed, and she pushed. For what? To touch a portion of Christ's cloak.

Somewhere, she received a message of hope. Sometime, she received a message of healing. This time she received an opportunity and put everything else aside, to touch a cloak. She believed that if only her hand graze the fabric that sits upon this man's body will she receive healing. Her faith in that man was so great that His power extended into His clothes.

Christ felt power leave him. He knew, but he still asked, "Who touched me?" This was the moment, this was the test. Again, he asked, "Who touched me?" Trembling and with what I imagine as a child-like honesty admits everything.

What happens next? Jesus says, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

Daughter?

Healing?

Peace?

Freedom?

There is so much embedded about Jesus and the depth of who He is in just two sentences. In fifteen words he destroys twelve years of pain and suffering. This woman is loved, this woman is healed, the woman is delivered.

I don't know what's going on I keep pressing forward. Good, bad, or ugly I know that I cling to the cloak of the One of loves me most. His presence is felt and His tenderness comforts me. I cling dearly to Him even when I say, "I'm done." I know in time He will reveal what's going on in this earthen vessel. The focus isn't on the symptoms, the next appointment, or test. I press forward towards the goal that is Jesus Christ. To touch Him and know Him more intimately than ever before and hear him clearly and beautifully say, "Son, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

Sometimes You Just Have to Write it Out...

If you've been keeping up with Facebook you're probably well aware that I've been battling an illness for a week and a half. I've been waiting patiently, I've listened, but the only advice that rings in my ears right now is this: Get well...Love Jesus...Get well. This was the reply of one of my pastors after I had sent people an update on my health and status of the test (which have yet to be completed).

Experiencing this illness causes me to deeply relfect on the Lord and His word. The story of Job comes to my mind as I endure this. Fire from the sky hasn't killed my sheep nor have Chaledeans stolen my camels, but the theme that resonates in my mind is this, God is God. Christians and non-Christians alike have always struggled with the question of why God allows certain things to happen. In my case, this illness. I admit that I wrestle with God in frustration on why He would allow something like this illness to happen. One cannot deny that we all have things to accomplish and that the weather has been nothing short of spectacular and I have lost opportunities to work on my long game at the golf course. I know, these are shallow statements, but I do have a point, right?

This sickness has been examined, dissected, questioned, etcetera, etcetera, yet I have received no answers. Like a fish in a bowl, I sit in my home, looking from the inside out.

I imagine Job lying on his mat ill, his body covered with sores looking out his window, thinking to himself, "Why the heck am I going through this? I'd rather be playing dreidle right now." While listening to his wife and friends tell him how bad God is or that he must've done something wrong to receive such a harsh punishment.

What impresses me most about Job is despite the horrible state of his overall health, despite being saturated with condemnation and that negativity that came from those closest to him, he clung on to his faith in God. All he wanted was a moment to plead his case. Even if God allowed him to do it I don't think anything Job could say would've made a difference. I imagine it'd go down like this:

Bailiff: All rise, presiding over the case of Job vs. the Kingdom of Heaven is the creator of the Heavens in the Earth.

God: Please be seated. Mr. Job, I understand you're here to plead your case in regard to your oxen and assess being stolen by the Sabeans, who also killed many of your servants?

Job: Correct.

God: And fire from heaven burned up your sheep and more of your servants?

Job: Yes, that is correct.

God:It also says that three bands of Chaldeans stole all your sheep and killed more of your servants with swords.

Job: Again, yes.

God: And a great wind blew out the four corners or your oldest son's house and killed all of your kids...

Job: Yes (voice trembling at this point), yes your honor.

God: From the looks of you it seems that you've been very ill and deeply grieved.

Job: Yes your honor. This has been a very difficult season.

God: After the loss of your children what did you do?

Job: I tore my clothes, shaved my head, and worshipped You. I felt naked at that point.

God: I know.

Job: Why did you let this happen? You know that I fear You and I have lived a life honoring and worshipping you!

God: (Silence)

Job: Why!? I've listened to you! I've prayed! I've worshipped! I've given burnt offerings for each of my kids after their nights of partying! What do you want me to do!?

God: Job, you've been innocent this whole time. There's nothing I want you to do except continue to love me.

Job: (Speechless)

I have ZERO clue why I'm enduring this. I've listened and I'm waiting, still held captive by this illness. What I do recognize as I've learned from Job is God is sovereign. The Bible says that the rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous. Bad things happen, good things happen. People get sick, people heal. What matters is that in the end all these things are for God's glory. He reveals His purposes in His time, sometimes all we can do is hold on through all the pain, the frustration, the noise, and trust Him. God is hardly conventional as far as completing His purposes but as we hold on we need to remember this simple message, Get well...Love Jesus...Get well. We still can love Jesus through the struggles of life. It doesn't matter if it's illness, finances, divorces, loss, arguments, so on and so forth. Life manages to get very complicated from time to time, but we can find encouragement by following Job's model, Love Jesus...Get Well...Love Jesus.

Humbled

Wednesday night we had youth group. God gave me the Word and instructed me to ask for raised hand of those ready to receive Jesus. That night I had two and one requesting prayer, it was amazing. I can't fully explaint the experience other than to say it is humbling when used that way.

Looking Back

I'm in one of those reflective moods right now thus creating the urge to do a little reminiscing on my blog.

Life is amazing...period. When you stop to think about the series of events that needed to take place for me to sit here and write this makes me thank my God and creator for all His provision and His faithfulness in my life. My life has had some dark chapters in it and there will always be struggle. The difference? Now I'm walking through it all with Jesus. The good shepherd has guided me from sin and lead me to a place of peace and providence.

I have to admit that there are points in my life where I say I want a do over, but I understand that there's a bigger picture involved in all of this. I can't predict it, but I can remain faithful to God's promises and know that they will be made perfect with Him. As an act of obedience I put both hands on the plow and press forward. Occasionally I glance back, but then I look forward and smile because I'm excited for what's ahead and the Lord continues to shape and mold me. He renews me all the time and thank Him for His presence.

As Days Go By

When you work anywhere between 60 to 70 hours per week days seem to move by rather quickly. Sometimes you feel like you're being held underwater and the points of rest are those moments when you find that opening in the current to quickly pop up, take in a quick breath, then find yourself under the surface again.

I'm weary but I don't feel destroyed. God just keeps carrying me along the way. Even when I don't have a lot, it's always just enough.

I have to admit that there are two things I miss deeply. I miss quiet time, there's so much action and movement around me that it's difficult to stop and enjoy the moment. It always seems that when I'm at that moment of finding simplicity it somehow manages to escape my grasp.

The second are my friends. I spoke with one of my friends the other night and had the opportunity to catch up on life, it was so refreshing. I understand that the season I am walking in requires this type of loneliness and I know and am thankful that I have a God who is traveling with me through this tunnel. I can't see the light...not yet, but I know it will eventually come.

Yet and still, I miss certain people who mean a lot to me and I can't wait to share life's stories with them.

Regardless, I continue to push forward and persevere because of the Spirit which dwells within me and I thank God for it.

This is My Gospel

Ever been in one of those places where you just can't seem to focus on one object. It's almost like running Windows with dozens of tasks popped open. Click here, type there...so much to get done. It's moments like this when the mind is reaching critical mass where I have to yell, "STOP!"

It's moments like these when I know that God is my refuge. I have to admit, one of my bigger strongholds is the necessity for control. Submission is terribly difficult for me because I often like to think that I know everything that could possibly be going on. The Bible speaks of those who worry. It plainly states, "Worry about nothing, pray about everything." Moving into ministry has taught me how much I need to pray. I don't believe that I'm particularly elegant, nor extravagant when I pray and I've just discovered the prayer that speaks directly to how I feel. This scripture resides in 1 Kings 18:37:

"Answer me, O LORD, O LORD, answer me, so that these people will know that you, O LORD, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again."

I can only imagine the cry of Elijah's heart during this prayer. Elijah was calling out to God, "...O LORD, O LORD, answer me..." He was acknowledging the power and authority of the LORD through this prayer. Elijah understood that the only thing to turn the hearts of the people back to God was by our LORD's power and authority.

Elijah demonstrated an incredible faith in God. He stood alone, against the worshippers of Baal, in fact, he taunted them because he knew that their God was not real. They were worshipping a figment of their imagination. Elijah stood firm. He believed in the one true God and I can imagine him praying with ferver, "Answer me O LORD!" He was expectant and was willing to lay everything out on the line for one thing...others to return to know God.

When I think about my biggest prayers, it is those that involve others. It's not that I want someone's opinion to sway about me or that there is an agreement about something. Instead, it's about hearts turning to God. Salvations, re-dedications, growth, surrender, whatever. I believe that those are the biggest prayers because when your prayers involve others then it really is completely out of control so all you can do is give it up to God.

The reality is that we cannot become the gospel. We are simply the hired hands which lead the sheep to the gate and acceptance followed by true repentance is the key that releases the hatch. The gospel is a gift, defined as "good news." It is the message of the God made flesh, the delivery of truth, the act of love, the way to eternal life. As Paul once wrote to Timothy, "This is my gospel." I couldn't have said it better myself.

Comfort Zones, Street Fighter, & Influenza

So I've been cooped up in my home for the past week with the flu. I'm telling you, this particular strain is not the one that was big in the mid-nineties (I'm not sure if this is true but it sounds clever). You know, the one you got from chatting on a pay phone that caused a runny nose and possibly a headache. Where a healthy dose of homemade chicken soup was the perfect remedy.

I have to admit, this flu probably ranks #2 all-time on Arnie's Top 10 Illnesses (Determined using the same mathematical equation as the BCS). Because I naturally view the glass as half-full, this virus has been an effective weight-loss tool resulting of me dropping a whopping 12lbs. in three days! Definitely effective, but hardly healthy. I figure that we already sell botulism as a beauty product, it won't be long before we bottle influenza as a weight-loss supplement. The side-effects of such a product couldn't be any worse than Cialis.

Having this week away (I refuse to use the term, "off") from work has allowed me the opportunity to slow down and reflect on the happenings of my life.

Just a brief update on a major event in my life. I no longer coach track! The exclamation point does not represent my excitement for leaving that position. In fact, I really enjoyed coaching throwers despite the risk of injury and/or death because of the implements. It was another opportunity to connect with kids in a shared interest. The exclamation point represents something much different, a leap of faith in essence. I'm moving away from the comofrtable into a bit of the unknown. I think the following illustration describes the way I'm feeling right now:

You can clearly see in the diagram that the comfort zone is, well...comfortably nestled in the center and is surrounded by its "current skills" with the target lying outside of the main area. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that in order for the circle/person to grow it must move beyond the boundaries it is currently residing in. As I have been told time and time again, "when we stretch, we grow." Well, I am being stretched. In every way possible, in every direction possible. It's not a bad thing at all, in fact I enjoy it. Keeping the "X" within the walls of our comfort zone is like beating Street Fighter II repeatedly, with the same guy. It becomes routine, almost ritualistic, without challenge, predictable, and then boring; sweep, sweep, fireball. C'mon, when you beat the game on hard with Dhalsim (bald guy sitting down for you SF2 Rookies) then you deserve some street cred, there's something rewarding about beating people up with a guy who's a yoga master.

I have to admit I miss playing the old side-scroller....

Now that I've traveled through that rabbit trail lets get back to the heart of the matter: moving out of my comfort zone. Like I said, I'm moving away from the familiar toward the familiar yet, unfamiliar. Youth ministry is a field like nothing other. It's energizing, challenging, and it involves God. Once again, this is an opportunity for me to connect with kids with a shared interest, God.

It's such an exciting time because I've been afforded the chance to share something that is very important to me, my relationship with Jesus Christ. I am surrounded by dynamic people who dearly love the Lord and kids who are simply amazing.

I am being challenged and stretched but I am definitely growing because of this process and all I can say is PTL! (Praise the Lord) Also, I think about my track athletes and I know that they're going to do great and they are in the hands of wonderful and caring people.

There's such a great challenge before me and I'm excited to experience some tremendous personal growth. What is greater is the opportunity to witness the growth in others and I am excited to see how individuals grow in their relationship with the almighty. To quote T.D. Jakes, pastor of the Potter's House: "Knowing someone is a progressive art, not a static science with immutable data." Once again, when we get to know our Lord we move away from the comfort zone towards our target and the best part is is that it isn't static. We grow up and through our knowledge, life experiences, biology, etc. we are shaped and into His image. To help you think about that I'll finish this off with this cool video.